How to Stop Being a Nice Guy and Start Getting What You Want

Subj: How to Stop Being a Nice Guy and Start Getting What You Want

You’ve always been the guy everyone can depend on. Never asking for much in return, but always giving your all.

Until one day you realize, you’re just a door mat.

How to stop being a nice guy?

By this point, you’ve realized being a nice guy ain’t the path to getting what you want. Rather it’s the quickest path to getting used and spit out on the other end.

Girls don’t respect nice guys.

Potential business partners will use you.

And life in general will make you its slave.

By all accounts you’re just a dummy who lacks any real value. Chained to other people’s validation and permission.

However, you’ve got a chance to flip the script. It’ll just take a conscious decision and need to be followed up with lots of effort.

Because you see my friend, you’ve been lied to. Or better put, you’ve been brainwashed.

And it’s through this brainwashing over the entirety of your life that you’ve become accustomed to being the nice guy.

In your world being a nice guy equals the good guy.

And everything else is the bad guy.

If you’re not dropping what you’re doing so you can run over to help the person who needs you, you’re a bad guy.

If you tell a your friend you can’t help on Saturday, you’re a bad guy.

The list goes on and on.

Keep this charade up friend and you’ll up dead. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.

Your mental energy will be directed like a puppet master pulls the strings on a puppet.

Do this, do that.

You’ll feel angry, sad, and happy for others when in reality; it don’t affect you in the slightest.

Sounds like a bad deal to me.

But most of you reading this don’t have the mental strength to do what it takes. You’d rather hunker down like a little slave.

Taking the easier route by just playing your part in another persons play. Never for a second realizing, it could be you up there.

If they can do it, you can as well.

Just they’ve got something you don’t have. While you sit there trying to please everyone.

Getting permission from others.

And playing the good guy role everyone can depend on, they’re out there getting what they want.

However, in this article I am going to show you how to flip the script. To leverage being a nice guy.

But to do it while getting what you want.

I’ll warn you though, it ain’t easy in the beginning. You’ll feel bad or like you’re doing something you’re not supposed to do.

How to stop being a nice guy comes down to one simple thing.

Putting yourself first.

You see, more than likely you’re the type of person who beats around the bush.

Hoping the other person gives you what you want.

I had this play out a million times back in my younger days. I’d sit there hoping and praying for something.

If I wanted a pay raise? I’d work hard and hope the boss would notice what I was doing and approach me.

Instead of me working hard and going to ask them myself.

I could list out example after example. The reality is, you will never get what you want if you’re subtle about it.

It’s like walking up to the cash register wanting to buy some candy. Instead of grabbing it and having the cashier ring it up?

You go up to the register and stair at her.

Hoping through the power of your imagination she grabs the exact candy you want and hands it to you with a smile.

That baloney isn’t how life works my friend. It’s complete and utter nonsense.

In what world does that happen?

You’re correct, it doesn’t happen in any world except some made up movie you watched on Netflix.

Which makes one thing very clear about your life. If you want something, you’ve gotta grab it or at least have the decency to ask for it.

Isn’t it written in the Bible:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

In other words, unless you go looking for something or knocking; you will never get what you want.

Sure, you can leave everything up to chance like most nice guys do. Expecting their good deeds to be returned to them.

Thinking if they’re good to others and go above and beyond, the same will be returned to them.

On the other end, you can realize your life becomes instantly better the second you start asking and knocking for what you want.

You want to make $3,000 per month extra?

You either ask for a pay raise or you go and make money your own way.

You want to travel to Europe or the Middle East?

You save up some money, and you buy yourself a plane ticket there. Even if you’re in your 20’s you can do this.

Anything you want to do, you’re going to have to make happen. No amount of hoping and praying’s gonna do a thing.

Your change begins with learning how to put yourself first. Because once you learn how to do this?

Everything else will fall into place.

How to Stop Being a Nice Guy: Put Yourself First

How to how to stop being a nice guy comes down to learning how to put yourself first.

Putting yourself first is something we are told is bad. It seems dirty and like you’re hurting others.

You’re made to believe…

You’ve got to think about other people’s feelings.

You’ve got to get to work on time.

You’ve got to do this and that.

When putting yourself first is one of the best ways to guarantee a place for yourself in this world.

Otherwise you will always be chasing the validation of other people.

Whether it comes in the form of a nice pat on the back or a steady paycheck to keep you content.

You will remain limited for as long as you seek this validation from other people outside of yourself.

Always seeming to get the short end of the stick. Never having enough time to do things which progress yourself.

But changing all of this to putting yourself first.

And chances are you’ve experienced what it feels like to put yourself first before. You know those moments where everything seems to click?

Where you have this instantaneous connection in your brain?

The reason this happens isn’t luck or some miracle. It is because for that moment in time, you chose yourself.

Instead of answering your text message instantly, you finished what you were doing first.

Instead of quickly dropping your own work, you finished it and then went onto the next task with even more energy.

You took this for “everything’s clicking”, but the reality is that this is how you should feel every day.

This is the normal way to go through your day to day life. Putting yourself first and accomplishing goals.

However, putting yourself first isn’t an easy task for most. 

Due to the brainwashing you’ve undergone up to this point, it seems bad. That if you put yourself first, you’re being selfish.

And by being selfish, you are hurting other people.

Think about it though. This is a silly way to think and a terrible way to go through life.

I am here to tell you friend that putting yourself first is virtuous.

Because it’s only when you prioritize yourself, that you can finally help other people who truly matter.

Try helping your Mom, when you’re too busy chasing a paycheck week after week.

Try exploring some new country, when you have to answer your phone within seconds.

None of what you want will happen if you’re stuck putting yourself last. Your so called dreams will remain just that, dreams.

While everyone else seems to be progressing. You will be stuck on the hamster wheel of validation.

But when you begin waking up excited for the day ahead. Putting yourself first, and realizing it’s completely okay.

Ready to give your all to something which not only benefits others, but yourself as well.

This is when you will experience those moments where everything clicks as your new normal.

So how do you go about putting yourself first? Well you can take it slow or you can do it in an instant.

And I’m not planning on living on earth forever. Meaning I wanna show you how to do it in an instant.

Putting yourself first comes down to understanding one dumb truth about this reality.

And fully embracing your responsibility over yourself. Because nobody’s gonna do the work for you.

Nobody’s gonna wake you up early so you get started on your hustle before you go clock into your job.

Nobody’s gonna take your butt to the gym to make sure you stay healthy.

So you may as well become an adult right this instant.

If you want to quit your job and travel the world, it’s up to you.

If you want to start putting yourself first, it’s up to you.

And if you want to be in shape, it’s up to you.

1) Harness the Ultimate Power of Ignoring

You’ve been trained to be a yes man. It started with your family and then got hammered into you via shcool.

There’s nothing wrong with being well mannered and pleasant. But you’re not gonna put yourself first if you’re a yes man.

That’s just a common sense fact as being a yes man is the complete opposite of putting yourself first.

Now obviously there will be times when you’ve gotta say yes to opportunity whether you’re ready or not.

However, most of the things which come into your life don’t actually require any help from you.

Your boss wants you to cover Johns shift next weekend. But you already had planned on working on your side-hustle.

You have zero desire to do so, and know you’ll benefit more from working on your side-hustle.

However, you don’t want to make your boss mad so you tell him yes.

Now you’ve saved yourself from disappointing your boss, but now you’re angry for the rest of the day.

This is how you will live until you learn the ultimate power of ignoring. Because once you do?

You’ll ignore the feeling where you’re worried you will make him mad. Instead you will realize there’s 4 other people he can ask.

And instead you tell him no you can’t, you already got plans. To which he will say “okay no problem just thought I’d ask you”.

You see friend, you only have some much time and energy each day. If you’re giving it away to people just to please them, you’re zapping any potential you’ve got.

Now I am in no way saying to ignore your work or to ignore people who need your help.

To do so is the opposite of being successful. As you need other people to be a success long-term.

But what I’m saying though is most of the things in your life can be ignored by simply saying no.

You don’t need to cover every shift.

You don’t need to respond to that text message quickly.

You don’t need to rush to other people’s aid 24/7.

But what you do need to do is ignore most things.

Put your goals first.

Otherwise you will end up spending all of your energy. Giving all of your time each day benefiting others without getting much in return.

2) Develop Some Ego

The ego is something you’ve been lied to about as well. Hence why you’re such as “Nice Guy”.

You see, your ego is what you navigate the world with.

From the style you where, to how you carry yourself, all the way to the very thoughts you’re thinking right now.

All of these things make up you ego. Another way to view the ego is that it’s your character.

But that isn’t all that you are, you’re much more. Behind the ego which you craft, you are the awareness.

Once you understand the difference between your awareness and ego, you’ll be able to leverage it as a tool.

By using your ego as a tool, you’ll be able to take control of your life. Not being swayed by the validation which now holds you back.

Instead you will validate your own self and…

3) Take Control of Your Life Script

This is the final part of the process for how to how to stop being a nice guy and start getting what you want.

You’ve learned the power of ignoring most of the noise in your life. You’ve turned your ego into a tool.

And now you will take control of your life’s script.

Instead of playing by the rules created by others such as….

  • You’ve gotta go to college, get a job, settle down
  • Money is evil so make sure you don’t get greedy
  • You’ve gotta think about how you make them feel
  • You’ve gotta do hard and honest work
  • Etc etc etc

All of these “rules” have been installed into your brain. Holding you back from who you could become.

But don’t get pissed off.

The world works like this because otherwise without these rules, society would fall apart.

It’s for the few like you who can live outside of this framework. However, this is a topic for another article.

In the meantime focus on everything laid out for you above. Because now that you’ve got awareness, you will never see the world again.

Until next time.

Your friend,

Dylan Madden

PS: I send out weekly (sometimes daily) emails on similar topics. So if you’re interested in improving yourself at a deeper level, sign up below.

About Dylan Madden

My name is Dylan Madden. I've written over 300+ articles for those who want more out of life and are interested in traveling the world. I am from US city where most people work the same old job for their entire life. Now after traveling to 18 countries. I've set up a home in Dubai where I spend my days helping freelancers build successful businesses within The Real World and on the blog Calm and Collected. Within this website you will find the motivation and action steps to make your life better.

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