How I’ve Lost Friends, Love, and Money
In today’s online world people parade themselves like know-it-alls that turn everything they touch into gold. I’m here to tell you that I’ve messed up a lot getting to where I am right now.
I’ve lost friends, love, and money. Instead of trying to puff myself up, let’s break each reason down piece by piece.
1) Having a Good Heart
I’m a caring person. I look at life as a game that everyone can win.
Of course, that isn’t how reality really is.
People cheat, lie, and take advantage of each other.
On the opposite side, you also have people that stay in their own lane and help others.
There is a Yin and Yang to everything.
A good and evil.
God and devil.
That is just how this reality works.
Me having the good heart that I do has allowed a few people to take advantage of me. Going into the situation I expected the best and assumed they would as well.
Instead what I found was someone who was only out for their interests. Rather than win long-term they decided to go for the short-term gain.
Fast money doesn’t last and neither do short-term gains.
Everyone that has ever taken advantage of me ends up losing. Whether through my direct influence or by screwing over enough people.
These days I still have a good heart. The only difference, however, is that I guard it. Not just anyone is allowed in.
Only 10 people are very close to me. You can call it being anti-social, but I call it being smart. Don’t get me wrong.
I’ll be nice to anyone who hasn’t shown me a reason not to be. There’s no reason to be an asshole to everyone.
I’ve learned to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. You can’t go around being mistrustful of everyone that you interact with.
That’s bad for business and it’s bad for your sanity.
Having a good heart has also helped me a lot in life. It has allowed me to connect and become friends with people who most can’t.
This isn’t because I’m some connected person. It’s because I believe that if you’re genuine then the real people will come and the fakes will dissipate.
2) Waiting Until the Last Minute
Since the second-grade, I’ve always waited until the last minute. It wasn’t until the beginning of 2017 that I started to change this.
I had just started to get myself back on my feet. My entire focus was on making money and working on what mattered to me.
I had a deadline for something from the previous year but kept putting it off. Ultimately it cost me $500 up front and an additional $700 later.
All I had to do one make a phone call and pay them $200. Waiting until the last minute caused a $200 problem to become a $1,200 problem.
Sounds messed up and unfair. That much of an increase doesn’t make sense. But guess what?
This world isn’t fair and nobody cares about you.
You are the one who has to make stuff happen for yourself.
Calm and Collected is built on:
“You are your own savior and your own devil”.
Whatever is going on in your life just take care of it. Go get your oil changed. Make that phone call. Start a side-hustle.
Stop waiting until the last minute to get things done in your life. While you may feel that you’re getting more done, that’s a lie.
Putting things off is like sweeping dirt underneath a carpet instead of cleaning it right then and there. Eventually, it becomes a lot to clean up.
3) Sold Myself Short
I’ve sold myself short aka settled on many things. Instead of telling people what I wanted, I took what was offered to me.
That’s why I talk so much about getting what you want out of life.
My life now is so much better than it used to be because I stopped selling myself short.
If I want X amount of money then I ask for it.
If I don’t want to do something then I say no.
These are all simple decisions to make but in the moment they seem like life or death. So far I haven’t died and neither have you.
What helped me was realizing what I had to offer.
I don’t think many people care about accomplishments from high school and earlier. Personally, I don’t so here are recent examples.
What I have to offer/have accomplished:
- Who can say they’ve interned with Victor Pride?
- Who has a natural talent for writing?
- Who can get in front of a camera?
- Who has had Ed Latimore write the foreword for their first book?
I don’t say any of that to brag. I say it because I’ve accomplished things that few people have.
If you saw me a few years ago you wouldn’t have believed it was possible. I was one of the most unconfident high speaking people you could meet.
Now through lots of pain and screwups, I’ve changed. I went from someone with nothing to offer to someone of value.
You’ve heard it before but I’ll say it again. If I can do it then I know that you can. I’ve got average intelligence.
The only edge that I have over other people is my drive. My drive allows me to push through when other people are screaming to stop.
Being obsessive is a great quality to have in today’s world. Our world is full of people who lack discipline and don’t go after what they want.
But being obsessive can also ruin you.
My obsessiveness is responsible for what I’ve achieved so far. It is also responsible for lots of unnecessary stress.
Before I learned how to channel it, my life was like walking on eggshells. I’d obsess over petty things in life.
A comment someone made, something I had to do, or having sex.
Once I learned how to properly masturbate things changed. This knowledge lead me to finally understand how to transmute my sexual energy.
From there I was able to channel my obsessive nature into projects such as this blog, working out, and offline projects.
If you’re the obsessive type don’t hide it. Doing so will ruin your life. It will lead to drugs, bad relationships, and a host of other things.
In the past, I tried to mask it.
Right after high school, I didn’t know what the hell I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to do business but nobody had the answers.
My professor who was teaching us business had never even owned a business. This made me feel stuck.
For 2 months I smoked weed every day. When my girlfriend got out of class she’d come over to study and we’d end her study session with sex.
Between having no purpose, the weed, and sex I became miserable. I got to the point where my suicidal thoughts came back.
Then one day as I laid on the ground looking up at the ceiling I got angry. I couldn’t believe myself.
With all of the personal development I had done, here I was depressed without a purpose. I got up and grabbed a binder.
I created goals for myself and broke the binder into sections. That day I gave myself purpose and within 2-weeks I was happy.
Why did this work so well?
Because you need something to work towards. Especially if you’re an obsessive person. No goals equal slowly dying.
If you’re unhappy with your life right now, get you some goals. Better yet create your script as laid out in Think and Go Hustle.
5) Sought Permission
For most of my early life, I sought permission. From acting on ideas all the way to stupid things such as making decisions.
You can at this moment fly anywhere in the world that you want to. Not only that but with a phone, you can make money on Craigslist.
Don’t go looking for permission because you’ll never find it.
Permission is what peasants need. The last time I checked, we are in 2017 and have the ability to create whatever life that we want.
In the days of old, we had to have permission from a priest or royal to level up our lives. Nowadays you must give yourself that permission.
Your parents and friends can’t give it to you.
You can ask God for permission.
But the simple fact that you’re here right now means that God has already given you permission. The rest is on you.
Last part was golden. Good stuff man
The wallpaper on my tablet right now: “You are only confined by the walls you build yourself”
Thank you Andrew.
I wrote that exact quote down 4 years ago. I kept it with me until I moved.
Man, this is unreal. I thought I was the only one feeling this. Thanks Dylan, for this. I love how you just lay it all out and addressed the elephant(s) in the room. This is me in a nutshell and your words is just what I needed to get out of this rut.
You’re welcome Mikki. Keep pushing.