Hello my friend I have a post that is a little different from my usual content. What are the famous words asked by two lovers?
That is right, “Will you marry me?”
Now before I go into this article let me tell you what to expect. This is not an article bashing marriage or bashing either of the sexes. Instead this article is aimed at opening your eyes to marriage and what you should do in order to protect yourself in the event that you decide to get married.
What is marriage?
According to a Google search marriage is defined as follows:
You see marriage is at its most basic level a contract between a man and woman. Basically they are saying that they are partners in life from finances to the day-to-day challenges that they face. By getting married they agree to share ownership of the debt that they have such as a house. If one dies then the other partner receives all of the money and property of the other partner (Only if done right such as setting up a will).
Upon getting married you are legally bound to live together and show that you are husband and wife. Your partner and you are legally bound to each other for life unless one of you legally terminates the marriage.
How can I end a marriage?
The main way to go about ending a marriage is by getting a divorce. Once you get a divorce the Court terminates the marriage contract. If y’all have any children once the divorce is over one of the partners will be required to pay child-support. Visitation rights will be given for the children. Divorces can be very messy and rack up debt quickly.
They say that in the US divorce rates are at 40-50%. Those are very high numbers and means that you must protect yourself at all costs. You should not let those numbers scare you, but instead you should just be smart about marriage.
How can I protect myself in the event of a divorce?
Before you even speak seriously with your partner about getting married y’all need to discuss a few things so that you can have a clear picture of what to expect.
When talking about marriage you need to go over the following things:
Who will pay for what?
What are the general rules that both of y’all are to follow?
Game-plan for what to do in the event that one you lose your job.
If y’all aren’t living together already (Highly recommend that y’all live together before getting married), where are y’all going to live and what can y’all afford?
Y’all should have a joint bank account that is for emergencies.
Setup an account for vacations and for the future.
As a man you need to have a prenuptial agreement before getting married. I will go into further detail in another section of this post.
Why is money important in a marriage?
Other than money being important for life in general when you begin talking about marriage its importance is elevated. Most marriages that end in divorce are because of financial problems. Whether it be that one of the partners doesn’t offer enough value or that bills go unpaid, it does not matter how much y’all love each other, but it will cause problems.
Since you are an Olympian I do not need to go into every detail about the importance of money, but I will go over some of the basics. With money you can buy experiences, have an elevated place in life, and take care of 98% of life’s problems.
Money gives you power and leverage over other people. It also allows you to provide for your spouse and family. You can give your family a life that is full of great experiences.
Let me give you a scenario:
Basis of the story:
Don is a 25 year old banker that brings in an annual salary of $70k. He has a house in a nice middle-class neighborhood. Don has a beautiful wife and the two of them have 3 healthy children.
As a boy Don’s father was a farmer that was always living season to season. His father was your average poor farmer and since he didn’t have much money it limited what he could provide for his family. Don was required to work from 4AM-6AM everyday before school and then when he got home 6PM-8PM. They never got to go on any family vacations other than going to the beach once a year. The beach wasn’t anything more than a small patch of sand on the river a few miles from the Atlantic Ocean. He always got his clothes from family member’s or from Goodwill. Don always had food, but only the bare-minimum. This continued throughout his early life until he got out of High School. After High School Don vowed to put himself through college and never be like his father. He would provide his family with the lifestyle that he dreamed of as a child.
As Don’s work day finished he hurried to finish up his last few tasks so that he could rush home to prepare for the vacation he had planned for the last few months for his family. On the way home Don started looking back over his childhood and how he had wanted for so much, but yet couldn’t get it since his Dad did not have the money to provide it. He wasn’t mad at his Dad, but just wished that his Dad would have taken advantage of the opportunities he had as a young man.
Don saw how he had decided what he wanted to get from life and made it happen no matter what the cost. He was rewarded with a lifestyle that afforded him the pleasure of having pretty much whatever he wanted. Don had a loving wife, 3 children, a boat, and many other toys. At this point in his life he only had about $11k in debt which he would have paid off by the middle of next year.
He takes 4 vacations a year. His career was looking very promising and he has a chance of being the youngest person to take over the banks Western Region. Don was the epitome of what comes from hard work and making the world bend to your will.
He took his family to Cancun for a week. They were able to stay in a 5-star hotel right on the beach. The family enjoyed eating at the finest restaurants in Cancun. Their days were filled with many fun activities such as touring the archaeological site of Chichen Itza and exploring the El Castillo.
Don was able to put his wife through nursing school and then allow his children to all go to private schools. His family was able to have the best of everything. He went on to take over the Western Region and then to become the CEO of the bank. Don’s income capped at 300k/year by the time he was 35. He retired a very well off man.
His wife went on to be a part-time nurse after raising their kids. Don’s 3 kids graduated from prestigious colleges and created their own promising careers.
What do I want you to get from that story?
Other than Don’s hard work, what allowed him to create the lifestyle that he wanted for his family and what allowed his family to grow into successful adults? The answer is money. By having plenty of money he was able to raise a very happy family. His wife was able to be a mother while also pursuing her desire of being a nurse. Don’s children were able to get the best possible education, have great experiences, and go on to have very promising careers.
You see my friend by having plenty of money you can have a very happy marriage, but without it you will have a very below satisfying marriage experience. I want you to work your ass off and make the world bend to your will so that if you choose to you can provide your future family with an amazing lifestyle. That does not mean that marriage should be your main reason for wanting to build a fortune. You should build a fortune so that at the least you can have the life that you desire and get what you wish.
Now that you see the importance of money and how it is related to marriage let’s move on. Below you shall find things that you should do when getting married that will provide you with a happy marriage while also protecting yourself.
Setting up a joint account:
As a married couple you should setup a joint account. Ideally you should setup the account when y’all are engaged. The purpose of this account is in case y’all have any rainy days such as a car repair or if there needs to be a house repair. For example let’s say that your spouse needs to go to the hospital for a minor surgery. The cost of the surgery and hospital stay totals $5,000. You could put it on a credit card (not a smart idea) or if both of y’all have the joint account setup for rainy days you could just tap into that. I believe that both of y’all should have separate savings accounts which should cover that, but if needed you have an account to tap into. It will be up to both of y’all to decide on what the rules are for the joint account such as how much to put in and when one of y’all can take money out of it.
Where are y’all going to live and what can you afford?
This is a very important decision that can dictate the quality of both partners lives for years to come. Many couples struggle with the decision of whether they should take out a big loan to get a house or if they should just rent a place. It is really up to you on which you want. If you have good income coming in and plan on staying there for most of your life then you could consider buying a house. You will have to negotiate the right price and interest rate otherwise you could spend $200k for a $120k house.
I have seen newlywed couples that are excited about being married go out and buy a nice big house. They are naive and filled with emotion and don’t read between the lines. The couple signs a 25 year contract that has a high interest rate. They will now pay more than what the house is actually worth and be in debt for the next 25+ years.
Their quality of life will be much lower now due to the debt that they brought upon themselves just because they made a decision based off of emotion.
In my opinion renting is better because you can sign a 2 year lease and then after the lease you can re-negotiate the deal or move to a different place. As a young couple you will want to be able to move around and see the world. By renting it allows you to not be entirely tied down to one location since you can stay until your lease is up.
As I said it is completely up to you. Maybe you can afford to buy a house and plan on staying there the rest of your life, but chances are that you will want to move at some point.
Setting up an account for vacations and your future:
We have already covered having a joint account that is in place for emergencies and rainy days, but there are two other accounts that y’all should have. You should have a vacation account setup as well as a future account aka retirement.
From every check you should both deposit a certain amount of money into an account that is in place to fund any vacations that y’all decide to take. Once you have this account with an adequate amount of money you can go on a vacation and won’t have to worry about funding it with your current check or have to tap into any of your other accounts. This is pretty self-explanatory so I will not discuss it any further.
Next you will also want to have an account setup for retirement. If you have chosen the 9-5 routine then this is of up most importance because I am sure that you don’t want to work until you’re 70 years old. Both of y’all should utilize any type of retirement programs your company has such as a 401k plan and put money aside into your own personal retirement account. I would recommend setting up an investment account. By setting up several different investments it will allow your money to grown over time.
I do not endorse following the 9-5 life plan whatsoever, but for those who follow it the above info will give you an advantage. I believe that every man should strive to live life on his own terms and answer to no one.
The one thing that every man needs before getting into a marriage:
The biggest thing a man needs before getting into a marriage is a prenuptial agreement. There have been to many men who have been screwed over due to not having one. The court almost always is on the side of the woman if a couple gets a divorce.
As a man you must take every safety precaution to protect yourself from what can happen with a divorce. The laws set in place are against the man. If you find yourself without a prenuptial agreement and get a divorce you can say goodbye to half of your income. If the couple has a child you will have to pay child-support even if the women has a good paying job. I have personally seen men that get a divorce and have a ex-wife that is lazy and just collects checks every month.
Some women live off of their ex-husbands money until the child is 18 years old and then still try to get more. Just look at celebrities that go through a divorce and lose most of their fortune while also having to give up some their toys. Some of the toys could be planes, cars, or houses.
So what is a prenuptial agreement?
A prenuptial agreement is basically a mutual agreement between the couple on things such as:
Who gets the kids.
How much child support will be offered. The court can alter this if they think it’s fair that the spouse gets more.
In the event of a divorce who gets what such as a house, bank accounts, and any heirlooms.
Who has to pay debt.
Who has access to life insurance policies.
For more information on prenuptial agreements check out legalzoom. I am not affiliated with legalzoom or do I have any knowledge of what they offer other than what I found when doing research.
Is marriage worth all of the unknown factors and stress?
That is not up to me to say. If you truly love your partner and feel that this would be a good move for the both of you then I say do it. But if you do not feel that it is a good decision then do not feel like you have to do it. If your partner brings up that you must not love them since you don’t want to get married then try to reason with them. If reasoning with them doesn’t work then you might want to rethink a few things.
Marriage is not required to show your love for someone. All that is required is that you show your devotion to that person. In life it is all about what you want. Do you want to stay with that one person that you have good chemistry with or do you want to go out into the world and be with 100’s of women?
That is completely up to you. Me personally I prefer to have a connection with the woman who I am with. I do not get fulfillment from being with different women. That doesn’t make me any better than you all that it means is that I prefer that. With my relationship I am the leader and make most of the decisions.
That doesn’t mean that I subscribe to the belief that the man should mistreat his woman and command her to do everything. I believe that I should provide for my woman financially, be her source of fun, and give her security. Being a man is an obligation and an honor. As a man you are able to rise up and become the King of your empire.
You can build a legacy that will live on after you leave this earth. As a man you are the foundation for your family. You must be strong and show your family what to do. You must be the person that your woman and eventually children look up too.
In my relationship with my woman I treat her well and give her two of my most important things, my time and money. There is nothing more important than my time. Other than another human being, time is the only thing that cannot be brought back once it is gone.
No matter how much money you have in this world you cannot buy back the time that you wasted. You might be able to purchase more time by getting some sort of life-extender, but otherwise it cannot be bought.
My money is also very important to me because I have to work my ass of to get it. Yes, it does come to me with less effort now because of my mindset and because I Flow, but I had to give out energy to get it. By giving energy I was giving some of my time. From working on a project to setting up a site I had to give up a certain amount of time to achieve it.
In return for my time and money I expect equal value from my woman. I do not mean just sexual value because that is of low value to me. Sexual value is something that is easily gotten. Sex is a sacred and special thing to me, but it is not something that I only seek from a woman. For my time and money I expect a woman to give me her complete devotion, be faithful to me, and to make my life better.
I value those three things more than sexual value. There is nothing I like more than when a woman shows her complete devotion to me and is faithful to me. When I see my woman give her complete devotion to me it gives me a feeling that is at times better than sex.
I am her king and she is my queen. Together we can enjoy the fruits of my empire and the loot from my conquests. I have a much different outlook on a man and woman relationship. Once again that does not make me better or worse than you. I just want that and so I will get it. Nothing more and nothing less.
It is up to you to decide if you want marriage just like it is up to you on how you want your life to be. I leave you with this question: